I am nervous all the time. Going to a party, I always try to back out at last minute. Even a party I threw last year, I tried to not go and three people had to call me and convince me to come.

Business deal — I am scared right before every meeting and will probably skip.

I’ve even left in the middle of the meetings because I was too afraid to speak.

New friend for coffee? I will cancel at last minute. Agree to give a talk? I will back out. Going to a networking dinner? I won’t speak the entire time.

When I was in a summer camp as a kid, I never spoke. They thought something was mentally wrong with me. So I got to just hang out in the one room with a pool table all day and just shoot pool until the buses came.

My parents would say, “What is wrong with you?” But I didn’t have an answer. I’d lie in bed at night and be afraid of morning. I just wanted to sit. I just wanted to read. Or watch TV. Or watch a movie. Or play chess with my dad.